Friday, September 30, 2011


Dearest Trick~
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when sky’s are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you ~ please don’t take my sunshine away. The past few days have been dark, there seems to be no sunshine, no light, no separation of the gray that fills my life. The word MISS does not encompass the magnitude of how my heart hurts, how I long for you. My friends tell me that there will be days like this, the ones when getting out of bed and onto the couch is a big deal. The ones where having a dog is the only reason I drag myself out the door. Many don’t want to hear that. They do not want to know that in the quiet of my apartment I cry with more sound then a marching band. That my soul bleeds more then a river flows. That the emptiness in my life shakes me to the core, on my knees begging for some peace, some small reprieve from this pain. Oh, how I long for the sunshine, for you!
I guess that sitting in this darkness of life is needed. That it is part of the process. Maybe it is okay to not always be super strong. It is okay to let the pain in and float around in it for a bit. How can I not hurt, my sunshine, my love was taken away. You were ripped from my arms and sent to a new address that is NOT listed. I put this unrealistic pressure on myself to every moment, every day be your voice ~ be  strong. But, I can’t. I can’t pretend that I am put together when behind closed doors I am falling into pieces. 
I know that each day , each hour, each minute there is a new opportunity for the sun to shine. I know that you are working hard to move the clouds in my life. I still feel you, I just miss you. You are and will always be my sunlight. You are the warmth that I crave. I know I can’t have you back here with me. And sometimes even I think to myself “damn this isn’t fair, he was too young, I am too young”! But I hold on to the moments when the sun gets to dance on my face, when I hear your voice on the wind, when I feel your touch in the raindrops. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when sky’s are gray. I love you my sunshine!
Around the world and back again~

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