Monday, June 6, 2011

Blowing you up

Dearest Trick,
You are blowing up on the internet. Goodness today I went on FB and there is a link to Patrick DeVeny inspires me from Heaven! I still do not know who started it. There were not one but two events when I was out in Denver for you. I will be heading back to Chicago to join your Luxers to go to the make up game that you missed the day you got sick. And yes then I am taking you in my bag back to Brenner Mountain where once again you will dance on the earth that we got married on. You will be spread among Marje's ashes and yes you will be BLOWN UP in a fire work on my 35th birthday to send your goodness over everyone.
You are the picture of success! I fear that we all think that the way to judge success is by the cars we drive, what we do for a living, how big our house is, how big our toys are (ok you had the big toys). But, success is really about the effect you leave on others. I always  - everyday told you how lucky I was to have you in my life. I couldn't help but brag when I spoke of you. Even now when my heart is broken in a way I fear it cannot be fixed, I can't help but find the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile when I talk of you. I am overwhelmed to hear the stories that others tell me about you - and the affect you had and still have on their lives. I love to hear from your friends of  how you spoke of me-  as that is just another sign that even death will not end the devenyduo! And so you are blowing up! You are everywhere and nowhere and you are mine - and everyones !
Those of us lucky enough to have gotten to cross paths with you, are now blown up with love and pain as we all wish you were here (most of all me)!!!!
Thank you for bringing a BANG into this world. I love you and miss you endlessly!!!!
Around the world and back again~

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Jobless, homeless, and husbandless

My dearest Trick,
If someone was to tell me that June 1st would come and I would find myself jobless, homeless and husbandless I would have called them a lier. Only you would leave the world and make sure that I had a clean slate to work with. I am lost as to what I am supposed to do. I have never lived alone. I always had a roommate and then I moved in with you - the best roommate in the world. So now at almost 35 I am to learn how to navigate life solo and how to live solo. It all seems too much. Where should I set up shop? How do I begin to find a place to call home when YOU were my home? I guess having all this LESS in my life will make me stronger. I know you always said that I was the strongest woman you knew but in reality I am not. I could be strong when I had you by my side. Right now I feel weak, knocked down, kicked, bruised, beaten up. I never knew just living could be so hard - when hardships never held us back from living a great life. I hope that you are still watching over me, guiding me in this adventure I now call widowhood. The world sucks without you.
Around the world and back again~