As I fill box after box with our items I find myself sifting through all our papers. Among them simply folded in fourths I found a receipt. The colored paper stayed folded as I ran my hand very slowly over the corners. My mind drifted to the one and only time I had touched that paper, signed that paper, made choices on that paper. It is the receipt from your … how shall I call it… celebration.
Ever so slowly I found my fingers pulling back and flattening the creases of the sheet, the last sheet I ever had to fill out as your wife. The first time I ever had to write widow. And then the greatest thing happened… my heart filled with joy. The sides of my mouth turned up, as I could not stop the smile from forming on my face. As my eyes scanned the receipt I felt pride in every choice I made, every penny I spent, every decision that came together for the best farewell party I can think of. There may be many things I do not do right in life, there may have been a ton I could have done better…but, that day… that day I put YOU and the essence of who YOU are into every piece of the celebration.
Here I stood completely alone laughing out loud as I saw “periwinkle velour “ casket listed. I giggled when I read Beastie Boys for visitation and Spiderman theme for opening of service. How odd it is that a receipt from the hardest moment of my life could not just bring tears but a laugh and comfort. I love that we loved so hard. I love that my love for you was bigger then my sadness for myself. I love that a piece of paper, a receipt can remind me of the joy one can feel when they honor another with happiness, laughter and love.
As a tear slowly ran down my face I placed that receipt carefully next to your death certificates. And now the certificates that rip my heart apart are covered with the receipt of … well LOVE. So often in life we have receipts that drag us down. We have papers to remind us what money we just spent, or what show we just saw. We toss then to the side or shred them. There will never be a receipt for the fun and mazing life we lived together, but this paper reminds me of the amazing man I got to call my husband.
Around the world and back again~