These days I find that I have no filter! What comes in my head somehow has a wonderful way of coming right out of my mouth. I use to always put other peoples feelings and thoughts first. I know this was one of the things about me that you loved and disliked at the same time. You loved that I could care so much, but you disliked how I let others walk all over me, or drive me up a wall. Since you have been gone the filter has come off.
I say it as it is. At times this is hard for friends and family to deal with. Some would say it comes with being a widow. I have to agree. When you lose your whole life, your whole world, your love… you tend to think other things are not as important. And thus the filter we all use has been removed. In the removal of this filter has come growth. As I removed it, I learned to stand up for myself. As I removed it, I learned to share my true feelings and thoughts with others. As I removed it, I learned to create truth. As I removed it, I learned about who I really am. As I removed it, I learned how to deal with daily life. As I removed it, I learned how to travel in a new land that lacks to have you. As I removed it, I have shown others how one can be assertive and put their needs first.
In society we have so many filters that are necessary. We have filters on our cars, air conditioning, water, driers, heaters, cameras, computers, vacuums… well the list goes on and on. Then as humans we put filters on our thoughts, dreams, wants, feelings, self-esteem, relationships, jobs, opinions… and that list goes on and on as well. So the filter has come off. I am not saying that it is easy to say how one feels. I am not saying that I do not think twice before I talk ~ as often I do. I am not saying that I blurt out mean things or want to hurt others. But, I no longer put EVERYONE before me. I no longer allow the world to pull me in 1,000 directions. I say how I feel when I feel it. I am honest ~ the most honest I have ever been. The one thing I never have and never will filter is the LOVE I have for YOU!
Around the world and back again~
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