I must admit there are piles of boxes I have struggled to bring myself to open. Like the widow facing her husbands closet or dresser, I face the boxes. Since we were to move the day you went to heaven some feel I have been given the luxury of having everything boxed up. But luxury is a weird word in widowhood. And so I stare at the boxes and make excuses within myself to why they can wait for another day. But, TODAY was that other day. Hard set on ripping into the tape that held our past, planning to cutting through the wrapping that sealed US from just plain old ME ~ I slowly opened the cardboard of our lives together. And some of it was filled with teaching books, office stuff, your coats and jeans. But the hardest is the box full of your SOCKS.
How silly, but I couldn’t help but think about all the adventures these socks have been on. They covered your feet and protected your walk as you set footprints for others yet to come. They have been to many states, many countries, and many years of memories. Some are old with holes you carefully mended. I know those are ones that have seen much of your journeys. There are some I can remember buying you ~ that have “waited” endless hours on your feet to come off after a long shift at the restaurant. Piles of clothe to gather around your feet, that is what shook me to the core today. How do I toss out the steps you made? How do I box up the marks you left on this earth?
And so a pile of dark cotton sits carefully placed on the floor. I held each pair remembering another trip we took. I fingered the soles of the socks reminding me about the wonderful soul you had. And there they stay in a pile on the floor not sure what to do. Am I ready to take that STEP without you? Am I ready to WALK alone? Is my SOUL covered and protected enough to face this world solo? I am not sure my love. Some days I take a step forward, some a step back. So, maybe for now I will go through the boxes, but I will save the socks until I can softly walk into the new life that is in front of me. I love you and the cotton that covered your path in life.
Around the world and back again~