The smell of your warm oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies with a touch of cinnamon wafting through the air has been erased from my nose but not from my mind. There is this art in remembering a person, a place, at memory due to a smell. Fried chicken always brings my mind back to childhood and Jimmy who cared for me and left for heaven when I was VERY young. Este Lauder perfume brings the hairs of my arms up as memories of Grammy run through my head. Lilly of the valley mixed with sunscreen makes me giggle as my mom dances in the deep place I hold for just her in my heart and mind. And yesterday I smelled YOU!
I recently unpacked a box that had your toiletries in it. I could not toss the items out but found myself placing them softly where they always belonged. Next to my body wash I placed yours. Next to my shampoo I rested your shave cream, positioned your razor next to mine. For a moment it was as it always has been ~ our scents side by side. It felt right, it felt real; it felt like a little piece of home was back.
Yesterday as I tossed off my clothes and let the water dance on my skin I picked up YOU. I opened your soap and inhaled memories. I breathed in the time when I jumped into the shower just to hug you with ALL my clothes on. I found your body wash filling my puff and instantly you were there. The smell of you poured millions of memories into my soul. Here I was with conditioner running into my eyes and YOU was all I felt, all I saw, all I needed, all I smelled.
It was easy to dance through the rough waters of my days when you are on the nose and mind. It was as if my olfactory glans opened my heart to letting you walk with me. I know I will never be able to walk TO you again, but how wonderful it feels to know you walk beside me. The mix of Suave and shave cream softly covered my body as a blanket of snow covers the ground. Each step yesterday was somehow softened because you were with me. How simple a thing ~ a smell ~ can rearrange the concept of a day.
And so I inhale~ I inhale the new challenges before me. I inhale the fear and the excitement of new journeys. I inhale the memories of the past. I inhale laughter and joy. I inhale your smile, your voice, and your words that are etched on my being. I inhale strength. I inhale the essence of who WE were and who I now have to be. I inhale it all. It is funny how smells can bring us back. How they can bring a smile to our face and a tear to our eyes. I embrace the scent of your life. I grip the smell of your dreams and the aroma of the life you never got to finish out. So I walk with your smell on my skin and I know what my job is~ to step kindly, live fully, and make you proud.
Around the world and back again~