Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Dearest Trick~
Friends, it is the thing I think you can't live without. You were beyond my other half, you were my best friend. You know what that is ~ the person you share all your secrets with. The one who knows all your dreams, even the silly ones that will never come to pass. The one who lacks to judge you when you laugh and pee at the same time (okay and snort as well). The one who holds your hair back when you are sick. The one who stays up all night and listens to you cry when your heart is broken. The one who loves things you love just because you love it. The one who makes you stronger and lets you be weak when needed. The one who is there for you in your darkest hours. The one who pumps you up and deflates you when you are a little too full of yourself. The one who will travel endless hours just to sit in a dive diner with you and drink really bad coffee. The one who will laugh with you ENDLESSLY.

Now is when I need friends the most. I think that as humans we all need that connection. How lucky we were to have had such wonderful people in our lives that we get to call friends (even those that are technically family). And you being the greatest friend I ever had, you made sure that my true friends were there ~ in their own ways, playing their own roles to help me through this. I want you to not worry about me as my "friends" are helping me in their own special ways to navigate this new world I live in, to make it through this pain I feel right now.

I have friends that show their support by being on the phone daily with me. Always there any hour of the day to listen to me. I am blessed that they also share about themselves as they do not want me to be consumed by this pain I live in. I have friends that show their support by sending unexpected packages in the mail ~ always bringing a smile to my face when needed. I have friends that show support by writing e-mails or posting on Facebook. I have friends that live across the the hallway and make sure I get out of bed each day by giving me the task of making smoothies for them. Such a simple thing, but important as it makes me feel that I am still NEEDED daily. I have friends that have shown their support by not calling, or writing or reaching out at all. The fact that the loss of you is too painful to them reminds me how lucky I was to have had almost 11 years with you. Some show there support by opening their doors and hearts, by sharing their bedrooms and living rooms and kitchens with me. And some have supported me so much that they have told me the truth even when it hurts. They have walked me into the deep end of this pool of pain, but assured me that they will be there with open arms when I climb out. Some have made me laugh in this darkness and reminded me that it is okay to do so. Some have come out of the woodwork. People I have not spoken to or heard from in years, there for me with a kind word or a silent smile. Some have shown support by bringing me outdoors, sharing the sunrise, the sunset, a walk or a hike ~ reconnecting me with the earth. Some have shared stories and tears to show their support. Some have kept things the same even when they are completely different like Sunday talks even when we are in different states.

To live we need food, shelter, air, water but I have learned that most of all we need LOVE. We need other humans to touch us , to wrap their arms around our beings, to wrap their love around our souls. Although I lack to have you here, my friends have shown me love that I never knew could be. I am so grateful that this world is filled with such wonderful people and that I get to have them in my life. I miss you my BEST friend ~ but I am supported, I am okay (even when I am falling apart), I am loved.
Around the world and back again

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