Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Slow Down

Dearest Trick~
In this crazed weird world we live in, everyone seems to be in a rush. They are hurrying to a job that they wish gave them more money. They are heating up some frozen meal that they wish was homemade. They are driving on autopilot unaware of how they got to their destination. They are repeating the same conversation over and over again wishing there was more to say. They are waiting for the next vacation, promotion, experience. And in this rushed world THEY are missing everything. You see the greatest things in life are found in the slow moments, in the simple smiles, in the random small acts of kindness. I fear it takes loss in order for most of us to slow down. Hell, when I lost you life did not slow down; it came to a screeching halt! That is what loss does. It gives us a forced reason to stop and remember. It gives us a second to reflect on memories that become moments that change us. It provides us time to stop the urgency of everyday monotony.

I would love to say that you and I always slowed ourselves down. That we always took the time to notice the wonder that is provided just past the tip of our nose. It is true that most of time we did. That as a duo, you and I noticed the kind man giving his leftover meal when leaving a restaurant to the homeless mother on the street. I guess because that was usually us. I would love to say that we took each moment to learn and change as it came, not waiting for it to be a memory that rocked our core due to loss. Often we did. But, just like the rest of is busy world, we flew from time to time on auto, on routine, on waiting for more and missing all that is! So now that my world is so slow I wish it would spin again, I get the luxury to view the greatness in the smallest of experiences. I get the opportunity to feel the sun truly warm the air and be amazed at this feat of greatness. I get the chance to see the man at the store smile as he passes the old woman in the walker dressed to the T because the adventure to the grocery is the highlight of her week. I get the indulgence to hear the children outside laugh with all the cells in their little bodies. I get the treat of letting someone go in front of me in line; I am not in a rush. I get to be completely aware of all my ventures and lack to ever be on cruise control.

There was a lot that you and I slowed down to enjoy in life. Many of the moments that flood my mind late at night are just walks down memory lane, not lessons that I did not get the first time. How blessed I am. How awesome it is that WE took the time to watch the leaves change when we went for our 5am walks together. How incredible it is that we tasted winter on our tongues each year as the cold raged in. How splendid it is that we often stopped paying bills, answering phones, replying to emails just to dance in the kitchen. How tremendous it is that at night when we both were reading in bed, we held hands and felt each other’s skin and pulse. How breathtaking it is that we had endless conversations without saying a word. I wish I had done that every minute. I wish I had slowed down even more.

In this whirlwind of a world there are times (too few but some) that a person will ask ME what they can do, what I need or how they can help ease some of this hell I find myself living in. I always say the same thing “ since you can’t bring him back, I guess there is nothing you can do.”  You know what, from this point on when I am asked what I need, how can I help, what can I do… I am going to ask that person to do one very simple yet extremely complex thing… I will ask them to SLOW DOWN! Thanks for slowing down with me for so many years.
Around the world and back again~

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