Being able to STAND use to be so simple. Now the act at times seems unbearable. How does one stand when life is buckling their knees all hours of the day? But I will stand. I will stand when my thighs burn from carrying the load of the world solo. I will stand when the wind of widowhood wants to knock me down. I will stand when all I want to do is crawl under a rock and make all this pain go away. I will stand when the fear of the future rocks me to the core. I will stand when I see old couples waking by and dream of you. I will stand when the tears burn my skin. I will stand when the ashes are at my feet. I will stand in the horror of the life I must now endure. I will stand!
I might not be able to always walk. I might not have the strength to take the next step without you, but I will STAND. I will dig deep down in my soul, in that special place where YOU live, where your memories swim and I will summon the power to stand. I will not crawl on the ground of sadness. I will not sleep in the floor of loss. I will not slither on the earth of fear. I will rise from the ashes of this shock and stand. And as I stand you will stand with me. Memories of your laughter will strengthen the bones of my path. Memories of your dreams will reinforce the muscles of my destiny. Memories of your kindness will fortify the joints of my present. I WILL STAND!
I am told there will be a time when I will be able to walk away from this hell. There will be a time when I will run in the light of the sun and enjoy it. But, for now what I am capable of, what I can do is stand! I will rise up from the worst pain in my life and stand in honor of the man I was lucky enough to stand next to for almost 11 years. I know you now stand on the puffy clouds. I only hope I am making you proud of how I stand here on solid ground.
Around the world and back again~