Friday, July 15, 2011

The early air

Dearest Trick~
There is a moment every day that is so damn painful I feel like I have been slapped in the face. Every morning in the millisecond before my eyes completely open, before the sun has drenched what ever bedroom I seem to grace that day, in the moment when I take that first taste of morning air~ for one brief moment I can wonder if all of this was just a bad dream. And every day with out fail I am reminded that this nightmare, this world I live in without you, it is real. So every morning I am once again slapped across the face with reality.
I am not questioning why the universe took you from me ~ well, took you from all of us for that matter. I am not going to fill my heart with anger and rage. But, I am wounded. I am different. I am changed. I am the same. I am hurt. I am healthy. I am me and for ever I am always yours! I love that brief moment each morning when for that millisecond I have hope ~ I have you. I keep looking for a sign a message from you. Others have posted on your facebook about how you have made rain stop at party, visited them in a dream, made them laugh, sent a sign... I have had none of these experiences.  I have felt left out and desperately searched for a piece of you. And now I realize that you send me a sign every day, you visit me when I am most vulnerable ~ when I am most me. You dance with me once again in my mind for but a moment each day. You continue to give me hope when at times most things look hopeless. And so this morning when the Vegas light filled the room and awoke me from slumber instead of feeling pain and sorrow by knowing that this is all real~ I felt you! I felt you holding my hand again, filling my bed again, laughing at my jokes again. I think I will now look forward to the most painful time of day because for a brief second I get YOU back. And I will take those seconds and those moments and happily deal with the pain that follows.
Around the world and back again~

1 comment:

  1. What a magical and beautiful post, Ali. Thank you for sharing.