It never seems to be the young couples with babies that brings me to my knees. I dread to say that I have come to terms with the fact that we will never have had that~ the being a “family” moment at the park. We will never have 2am feedings and bags under our eyes like war paint that has been earned. We will never push a pram and sing to a little red head as we rock him/her to sleep. It hurts but that is not what shakes me to my core.
It is when I see the old couples walking hand in hand~ sitting on a bench~ caring for one another where I can no longer hold back the tears. Every time it gets me, every time it rocks the center of who I am. I longed for that. You and me sitting age 85 still laughing at one another or dancing in the kitchen. The thought of growing old without you seems impossible. It is like the thunder when it is sunny out~ something feels odd about it. How I wish I could have had the chance to care for you as we aged. How I long to have seen wrinkles form around your smile. How I dream of having the opportunity to see your skin get lose and sag. These things we all try to fight ~ aging ~ how I long to have had but a moment to experience that with you!
We should all embrace the joy of growing older. We should see how lucky we are to get to view another soul as it gets out of shape, grays, and prunes. But now the thing I never feared, the one comfort I always had, the knowledge that as I ripened you would be there seeing my inner beauty~ I am now terrified of it. For each day as I get older you stay the same. My young 40-year-old lover. Somehow as the days turn into weeks I begin to catch up to your lead, and you like a great book, you remain timeless. I will never get to picture your red hair turning gray. I will never get to see your eyes wrinkle with years of views. But, I will forever be honored that for short time, for 11 years, I got to age with someone as beautiful as you. Maybe we don’t get to be the old couple on the bench of life, but I dream that those that get that luxury ~ that they appreciate it. That maybe they dance in the kitchen of life for US once in a while.
Around the world and back again~