Monday, February 27, 2012

The Witching Hour

Dearest Trick~
The world outside my window is silent. The cars have stopped their engines, the children have silenced their games, the dogs no longer bark and the wind is the only sound left. It is in this time ~ in the witching hour that I hear you! I would guess that if everyone LISTENED when sleep is far from you, you will hear voices of your loved ones once again ringing in your ear. And now at this moment, I get the pleasure of hearing you. I hear you cheering me on as I face yet another loss, another person to grieve, a life with no parents. I hear you telling me “It’s okay” when I need the tears to stain my skin for a bit. I hear you quietly drumming me along as I move each day step by step into this new woman.  

It is amazing how even when I lack to have you right next to me, when the sound of your voice has been taken from this earth~ how I am still able to hear you. When you love someone , truly love them, with ever fiber of your heart…distance and time does not squash their voice. As your voice, your soft melody lives inside of who I am. I believe that all of us who have had to face the truth of loss can sit in the silence no matter how many days, months, years pass~ we can still hear you! We can still get the advice and support we so desperately claim we miss by sitting in the quietness and listening to our inner self speaking your knowledge.

Last week when I was dad’s packing his things the noise of the world, the blasting sounds of his sudden passing drowned out YOU. I cried each night wishing I still had you by my side. Feeling like I was not strong enough to make it through without you. I lacked to stop and listen in the silence. I lacked to hear your voice that lives in me because life was spinning too fast and out of control. Now I am able to quiet the mind, the space I live in, my world and there you are as loud as can be once again supporting me. I hear you telling me to stand tall. I hear you coaching me to face what no longer is part of my life and to be not scared but excited about the adventures that wait ahead of me.

So my love, I know I talk too much. I know that for most of our marriage you heard me tell the same stories over and over and over again. But now I am listening. Now I hear you reminding me of who I am, of my strength, of the life WE worked on making, on the dreams YOU still have for me. I will listen, I will listen, I will listen in the silence of the witching hour.
Around the world and back again~

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