I know that it has been some time since I have written. I fear to say that the pain has consumed me these past few days. And when I take but a moment to tissue away the tears, walk out of my self-pity, I am reminded of my flaws. I am once again able to dance in the idea that what makes me harsh on myself…well, you loved all those parts. How incredibly lucky I have been to have known this type of love. The kind of love where your partner truly absorbs and understands all the intricacies of who you are, how you think, how walk in this world.
If someone would have told me when I was young that the fact that I laugh at my own jokes so hard I can’t get the punch line out would warm another’s heart I would think them a great liar. If I was told that there was man who would love EVERY curve I had, every wrinkle, every pound… I would most likely laugh in their face. If my silly mispronunciation of words, lack of ability to spell and horrific math skills would lead another to call me brilliant despite it ~ I would most likely fall on my face. But all of those flaws, all of the things I grew up dreading about myself, you taught me to love. And in that I found out that there are a few of us lucky enough to be loved in a way that great novels are written. You know what I mean, long embraces in the rain, slow music playing that leads to the prefect kiss, the happily ever after us girls are raised to believe in.
Lately I have felt more alone, more broken, more selfish, and incredibly scared for the road ahead. I saw all of it as flaws. And now as I sit in bed in the early hours of morning and write this I hear you reminding me that who I am ~ all of me is 100% perfect for you ~ even my imperfections. And all of a sudden I can let me flaws show. I can bend and share and cry. I can slowly move forward and leave a tattered footprint. How lucky I am, I had a man who loved me… flaws and all. The only flaw in the world right now… well it is that you are not here.
Around the world and back again~