Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Boot Camp

Dearest Trick~
This fall I started boot camp. I have pushed my body to do things I never thought it could do. With sweat pouring down my face I have done lunges, presses, balancing, and lifted weight I never imagined I could. And every time I wanted to give up, to give in, to engulf myself in the pain~ there was my trainer cheering me on, fixing my form, encouraging me to dig deep and find the strength that lived with in. Twice a week I put myself through this torcher and elation relationship of boot camp. My fat giggles, my arms wiggle, my legs throb and somehow when I think I can go no further, I sign back up, I show back up, I finish a set.

It occurred to me that my life is like boot camp. Each day I am dragging myself out of bed (even if I think I can’t take the pain of facing the day alone), climbing into the car of life, and driving down the road. And with each trip, each step forward, each fall backward ~I have YOU as my trainer…cheering me on, giving me strength, gently reminding me that this too will make me stronger, more flexible, better of a person. The boot camp of life is not easy. I dread to say it most likely was not easy when you were here next to me, but funny how it is simpler to “skip” a class when you have your partner to help you not focus on all the hard stuff life throws your way. And as my heart burns and my lungs ache from the breath that left my soul when you left the earth~ I feel you fixing my form (of life) as I learn to walk alone.

Maybe the Tuesday and Thursday routines of pushing myself to the limits is a physical reminder that I CAN push myself into this new life ~ even if it hurts, even if I think I am not open enough or flexible, I CAN carry the load of widowhood, I CAN climb the hill of life solo, I CAN embrace the journey. I have trainer, I have YOU! I hear you cheering me on among the wind as it blows across my body. I feel you fixing my form (view) of the future as I wash tears from my face. Some day when I get to see you again I will be able to thank you for helping me make it through the boot camp of life.
Around the world and back again~

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