Dearest Trick~
This fall I started boot camp. I have pushed my body to do
things I never thought it could do. With sweat pouring down my face I have done
lunges, presses, balancing, and lifted weight I never imagined I could. And
every time I wanted to give up, to give in, to engulf myself in the pain~ there
was my trainer cheering me on, fixing my form, encouraging me to dig deep and
find the strength that lived with in. Twice a week I put myself through this torcher
and elation relationship of boot camp. My fat giggles, my arms wiggle, my legs
throb and somehow when I think I can go no further, I sign back up, I show back
up, I finish a set.
It occurred to me that my life is like boot camp. Each day I
am dragging myself out of bed (even if I think I can’t take the pain of facing
the day alone), climbing into the car of life, and driving down the road. And
with each trip, each step forward, each fall backward ~I have YOU as my
trainer…cheering me on, giving me strength, gently reminding me that this too
will make me stronger, more flexible, better of a person. The boot camp of life
is not easy. I dread to say it most likely was not easy when you were here next
to me, but funny how it is simpler to “skip” a class when you have your partner
to help you not focus on all the hard stuff life throws your way. And as my
heart burns and my lungs ache from the breath that left my soul when you left
the earth~ I feel you fixing my form (of life) as I learn to walk alone.
Maybe the Tuesday and Thursday routines of pushing myself to
the limits is a physical reminder that I CAN push myself into this new life ~
even if it hurts, even if I think I am not open enough or flexible, I CAN carry
the load of widowhood, I CAN climb the hill of life solo, I CAN embrace the
journey. I have trainer, I have YOU! I hear you cheering me on among the wind
as it blows across my body. I feel you fixing my form (view) of the future as I
wash tears from my face. Some day when I get to see you again I will be able to
thank you for helping me make it through the boot camp of life.
Around the world and back again~
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