Dearest Trick~
As I fill box after box with our items I find myself sifting
through all our papers. Among them simply folded in fourths I found a receipt.
The colored paper stayed folded as I ran my hand very slowly over the corners.
My mind drifted to the one and only time I had touched that paper, signed that
paper, made choices on that paper. It is the receipt from your … how shall I
call it… celebration.
Ever so slowly I found my fingers pulling back and
flattening the creases of the sheet, the last sheet I ever had to fill out as
your wife. The first time I ever had to write widow. And then the greatest
thing happened… my heart filled with joy. The sides of my mouth turned up, as I
could not stop the smile from forming on my face. As my eyes scanned the
receipt I felt pride in every choice I made, every penny I spent, every
decision that came together for the best farewell party I can think of. There
may be many things I do not do right in life, there may have been a ton I could
have done better…but, that day… that day I put YOU and the essence of who YOU
are into every piece of the celebration.
Here I stood completely alone laughing out loud as I saw “periwinkle
velour “ casket listed. I giggled when I read Beastie Boys for visitation and
Spiderman theme for opening of service. How
odd it is that a receipt from the hardest moment of my life could not just
bring tears but a laugh and comfort. I love that we loved so hard. I love that
my love for you was bigger then my sadness for myself. I love that a piece of
paper, a receipt can remind me of the joy one can feel when they honor another
with happiness, laughter and love.
As a tear slowly ran down my face I placed that receipt
carefully next to your death certificates. And now the certificates that rip my
heart apart are covered with the receipt of … well LOVE. So often in life we
have receipts that drag us down. We have papers to remind us what money we just
spent, or what show we just saw. We toss then to the side or shred them. There will never be a receipt for the fun and
mazing life we lived together, but this paper reminds me of the amazing man I
got to call my husband.
Around the world and back again~
And I was lucky enough to be a part of the most difficult spectacle of love I've ever been a part of that day. I will remember it always. I Love You.
ReplyDelete