What I Get

Dearest Trick ~

There are a few things I get since you were ripped from my arms and our world. What I get is not fair or wanted, but it is my reality.

~I get to feel a lump in my throat when I see an old couple holding hands knowing I will NEVER have that with you.

~ I get to feel a pain in the pit of my tummy when I see small children playing ball with their dad.

~ I get to cry myself to sleep nightly.

~ I get to NOT be able to check the “married” box when filling out paperwork but have to check the widow or more often there is not  a box for me as I refuse to check single!

~ I get to dislike mealtime since it lacks to have you.

~I get to walk into shops hearing holiday music knowing that this holiday and every one to follow will lack to have the one present I want – YOU!

~ I get to take out my own garbage, clean alone, pay the bills solo.

~ I get to stare at pictures of you and wonder what it would be like for you to be here with me.

~I get to be bitter when all the “holiday romance” movies come on TV. It is like every channel is like LIFETIME network this time of year.

~I get to go without birthday cards, anniversary kisses, or holiday homemade gifts.

~ I get to not have flowers brought to me for no reason at all - you were the best at that!

~I get to live in a world that stopped when everyone else has moved on.

~I get to take care of Norm the wonder dog during the stormy nights when all he wants is his daddy – me too!

~I get to put on a fake smile and be happy when all our friends reach new milestones in their lives that I will NEVER reach.

~I get to feel lost and abandoned on a daily basis.

~I get to be in touch with the emotion of jealousy.

~I get to be brought down to my knees multiple times a week because the pain of losing you is so intense.

~ I get to spend endless hours in therapy trying to figure out how to BE me.

~I get to daydream of you knowing that those dreams will never come true.

~I get to feel broken and beat down.

~ I get to be angry that you were taken from me so young.

~I get to wonder what went wrong with the doctors and the hospital.

~I get to learn how to forgive!

~I get to realize that I had more in my 11 years with you then most have in a lifetime.

~I get to face the world alone but have you as my guardian angel watching over me.

~I get to complete some of your wishes and dreams.

~I get to close my eyes and visit you in my mind.

~I get to remember what dancing in the kitchen felt like.

~I get to feel the gravity of TIME and be grateful for the time I had with you.

~I get to appreciate what true love is – as I had it!

~ I get to MISS YOU every second, minute, hour…. every moment!

Around the world and back again~